Morning Glory (critiqued by yours truly)

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Morning Glory is about an aspiring girl, Becky Fuller (McAdams) who lands a job at the fourth best morning show in the country (apparently that's bad). So the show's ratings are falling and this girl comes along and, despite a negative crew including Colleen Peck (Keaton), hires Mike Pomeroy (Ford), the best news anchor ever, to pull everything together.

The trailer makes me happy. It's extremely well put together and timed. I just like it.

The movie, however, was kind of like a movie being made from a commercial. The first half is extremely slow, with a few good moments, but overall molasses-like. About halfway through it turns into what that trailer advertises. It's pretty clear that the writers had planned out this perfect ending, and just couldn't think of the right A to B path.

Oh, and the relationship of the movie? They go through a rough patch in the middle, and if you miss that two minute scene, I'm not kidding, you will not realize that they've broken up. In the next scene, she doesn't appear phased at all, and it happens so suddenly that it hurt my teeth. And that doesn't even make sense.

But, towards the end, there are a few scenes that I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard. And the ending is sweet. So, this was not at all a bad movie, but I think it should've been released later...after some more thought on the buildup story.

Rachel McAdams, who is one of my favorites, did great in this one. Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton star in it too, and they're just funny as a duo. They felt real. And I guess that's the best description.

This movie felt real. So there are moments when you want to fall asleep because it's going so slow. There are moments when you laugh so hard that you don't make noise. There are moments when you cry. And there are moments when you have to think about what just happened because it hit you in the face so fast that you can't recall details.

Overall, as a Cheez-It, this movie is 75% Real Cheese. If you're able to walk in at the middle, do that. If you have to leave in the middle, don't go.

Due Date (critiqued by yours truly)

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This is one of those movies that is fully enjoyed if you click the link under the picture. Everything funny and not terribly unnecessary can be found in that trailer.

Of course, this has to be expected by a movie that is advertised in most places as;

FROM THE DIRECTOR OF THE HANGOVER

DUE DATE

This underdeveloped and poorly titled movie is about Peter (Downey), a seemingly level-headed businessman who is on the wrong side of the country while his child is about to be born. Due to being placed on the no-fly list because of Ethan (Galifianakis), they go on a "wild cross-country road trip" that makes you forget about there even being childbirth involved in the story. Also humor. It makes you forget humor.

Don't get me wrong, I loved The Hangover. I loved every teenage moment of it. It's our generation's Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and we know it's a bad movie, but that's what makes it great.

But this thing? This was the perfect example of what happened to Garfield, Shrek, Lindsay Lohan(actually a really interesting picture), and any other popular things that didn't know when to stop.

Galifianakis' character quit being funny about 11 minutes into the film.

Galifianakis' character was introduced about 10 minutes into the film.

Get it?

When developing his personality, they crossed a line between lovable goof and dehumanized idiot. At one moment in the movie you feel pretty empathetic towards him, and almost immediately he ruins it.

It doesn't matter what I say though, most young people will see it and, knowing it was directed by the Hangover guy, love it without question. And in the long run, that's the film's key demographic. So I can go stuff it, right?

As a Cheez-It, this movie is 50% Real Cheese. Don't bother unless you're my age and "want to see for yourself".

Paranormal Activity 2 (critiqued by yours truly)

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Let me preface this by saying;

If you can handle horror movies, and personally feel somewhat superior to your squeaky, skittish friends (like I did) - Don't use this one as proof.

If scary movies perfectly achieve the desired effect on your psyche, but that's why you like them - Go crazy.

And if you don't like horror at all - I won't even mention not seeing it - but don't even enter an abode belonging to people that own the dvd. Just leave. They might suggest ordering pizza. Then they'll want to watch something while they eat. Ticking bomb, dude.

I've always told people that The Ring was the last movie to make me jump or even ignite a slight uncomfortable edge in my day. I am now changing that statement to "Can I sleep on your couch or something cause it's dark outside."

Seriously though, if you're into thrills, this one is THE MOVIE to go see. And with a crowded theater filled with people you don't know, after you scream and cry together like that? You're a family.

My one warning; BRING YOUR FRIENDS.

Adaptation of my one warning; If you have the dvd, go to a friend's house.

If you've seen the first one, please don't judge the sequel for it. I will say that the first one made me fall asleep several times. And it was full of unnecessary language and sexual references and all around unrelatable people. The bright side of seeing the first one, is that the second is a prequel. So it kind of explains in depth what the crap was going on up in there.

If you haven't seen the first, it honestly isn't too crucial to PA2. So save your day the two hours of misleading horror (not the kind you thought!) and go buy Toy Story 3.

I won't say much more because the story line is preeeeeetty freaking straightforward.

As a Cheez-It, this movie was 90% Real Cheese. If you're into that genre of film, it definitely does what you pay it to do. And let's all thank God it's not in 3D.

RED (critiqued by yours truly)

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Starring Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich, Brian Cox....(I think you get it.) This is one of the most underrated movies I've seen in theaters.

This thing had something for every movie-goer. Action-packed enough for a super bowl alternative, and funny enough to make you laugh more than you're comfortable with, they stuffed in some romance, and it even had a twist or two. Also there's traveling. Weird traveling - including Mobile, Alabama and Pensacola, Florida.

Everyone associated with this movie has subsequently become awesome in my book. And, don't ever give Helen Mirren a gun. She'll make this face. Then shoot at you a bunch.

Most critics have said the movie is neither good nor bad. Some use the word "iffy". But I think this is an example of people not giving credit to sensational actors doing their job sensationally, just because they've begun to expect it. Bruce Willis and Morgan Freeman, even though they've come to accept their fate in playing "old people" roles, will always be valiant, fire-eating men - who basically defined the term "MAN" with their fists. More specifically - Bruce with fists, Morgan leaning more toward the Electric Company (Before he even knew what a Bucket List was).

I enjoyed every second of it, and will most likely add it to my favorites list. I would even take my girlfriend to this one, so I hope you can truly appreciate the flexibility of a film that can entertain both genders. Bring everyone you know.

As a Cheez-It, this movie is 90% Real Cheese. Go see it.

Life As We Know It (critiqued by yours truly)

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In "Life As We Know It", Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel star as Holly and Messer; an unlikely pair with conflicting personalities who end up raising a child together, after their best friends die in an accident

If you've seen the previews for this one, then you know the whole storyline. However, the filler makes it well worth the watch.

This film claims to be a comedy, and while it made me laugh a lot and had me smiling through the rest of it, it did have some tear-jerking moments. It's rare to come across a movie that truly covers sad/comedic/feel-good that is actually exemplary in all aspects. Nothing felt cheapened because they had to lighten the mood or force anything at all, which meanwhile made the story more sincere and concrete. These are people you know. And that baby is adorable, for real.

I was really proud of Katherine for her choice in going for this script. She's expressed disappointment in some past work (e.g., "Knocked Up") and I would hope for "The Ugly Truth". But this one seemed like a project she can be proud of.

As for Josh, he reminds me of Johnny Knoxville, and every time I remember that he's not, I like him more (nothing against JK. But kind of). He did a great job as the shallow, lovable guy we all knew he would portray in this movie.

As a Cheez-It, this film is 85% Real Cheese. This is definitely a great date movie. I didn't cry, but I felt the eye pressure (you know what I'm sayin', fellow manly men). Take your dates. Take the people you're dating. Do that.

You Again (critiqued by yours truly)

I can't say enough about how awful this movie was.

Watch the Trailer...Or Don't.

Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars, Heroes, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) stars as the misunderstood "loser" from high school, who mostly gets picked on by Odette Yustman (Cloverfield).

Now, years later, Kristen's brother is marrying Odette. Because of this, we find out in an outlandish plot twist unforeseen by all that Odette's mother, Sigourney Weaver was Jaime Lee Curtis' high school rival as well! Oh my!

Kristen Chenoweth was in this, too. Her character was very badly constructed and she cameo'd only once or twice. Also, Betty White was in a few scenes. Which is apparently enough to be on the promotional poster for her.

The movie featured a technique called Mickey Mousing. Basically at any one time in a scene, there was reactive music played in the background. Which, once noticed, can never be unnoticed.

There's not much else to say about this one. The sparse feel-good scenes lasted about six minutes altogether. Most "funny" bits were extremely hackneyed.

Please do not see this movie just because of the almost all-star cast. I was mostly disappointed that they had to be involved in this terrible production. Sometimes bad writing and directing just can't be recovered from.

This movie is a Cheese Nip. Try to avoid it even if someone has it playing at their house while you're visiting. It's just not worth the time.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (critiqued by yours truly)

Let me start off by saying that I almost didn't go see it because of the unfamiliar word (try and spot it! hint) in the name. Also, a lengthy title really doesn't make me jump up and down to go see something. The book series was called "Guardians of Ga'Hoole" (the movie was based on the first three, The Capture, The Journey, and The Rescue). That was all. Seriously. Three words. I really don't understand why they added so much fluff to the title.

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ANYWAY - After getting that off my chest, this movie was actually pretty epic. Obviously, a lot of dough was spent on the visuals, as you can see to the right. The film had a slow start, I had to keep reminding myself that it was aimed more towards kids than not. But as soon as the first conflict occurs, it spun off into owlly action. There was even a little feathery love triangle.

Jim Sturgess stars (if it sounds familiar, you might know him from Across the Universe, and 21) as Soren, who's nothin' but a dreamer who believes in a Legendary group of Owls from Ga'Hoole, who...Guard. It's kind of unclear, really. Go read the books.

What was extremely clear was that the the director wanted to quickly get to the big fighting scenes, because the build up storyline to a lot of this movie (stuff that one would think would take place over a couple weeks) kind of felt like only a day. It felt too quick-paced, like the real-time credibility was off. But again, once the story reached it's climax, there was no more confusion. For the duration of that 90 minute period, the audience was fully aware that the owl is the most bad-awesome fowl to grace the sky with its glory.

The characters were developed pretty well (of course, they were originally created by an author, someone who's supposed to be good at that). You've got the required hero, with the perfect amount of luck on his side; the small ones with something to prove; the highly animated, prone to injury bozos that make kids laugh. It's all present and it's a hoot (not my joke. I am ashamed).

For those of you planning on going to see it, I'll clear something up for you. I have no idea what a "gizzard" is, but it was the most used word in the entire film. As far as the story goes, and what I gathered from it, I liken it to The Force.

I highly recommend the movie for parents. (not just parents, if you want a date movie I think I'm going to see "Life As We Know It" soon, and I'll be reviewing it) Aside from a few iffy parts (kind of scary, but they quickly lighten the mood) I noticed most children in the theater seemed fully transfixed. Absolutely nothing inappropriate. But that's to be expected. With birds.

I enjoyed watching this, and was pleasantly surprised. As a Cheez-It, this thing gets 75% Real Cheese. Absolutely take your kids. But don't break your leg going to see it alone.

Have a great weekend!

Donnie Darko (critiqued by yours truly)

Donnie Darko is a story about a (possibly schizophrenic) boy in high school who is approached by this guy about the near-ending world. If that guy scared you, don't worry - while this movie is NOT for the kids (there's quite a few scenes where the script just bathed in the F bomb, I'm not totally sure why, it wasn't necessary) - it's not a horror movie, for those of you who get spooked easily. I mean, his name is Frank the Rabbit. Just keep that in mind if he freaks you out.

So what've we covered? Schizophrenic boy, a bunny, then there's a jet engine that falls into a house, Ashley Tisdale (one small speaking part - no joke), that dude who plays Spencer from iCarly (also just one small scene), and Halloween.  Antics ensue.

This is one of the most thoroughly discussed cult-classic movies I've ever come across. There are heated debates all over the web over what really happened in this exquisitely complex storyline. I'll be honest, I paused it once or twice to smooth my wrinkled brain. I had to look up the plot summary after I watched it. Still didn't totally get it.

BUT most hardcore fans of the film say that's the point. The confusion and that feeling of missing something - That's the message. That's the reason the story is so mesmerizing. And after witnessing this unique story, I'd like to see you disagree. In fact, the director had second thoughts, and included the Director's Cut in the Blu-Ray (I dunno about the DVD version) that explains the story in a more palpable way. But, it's utterly detested by Darko fans. It ruins the "How does Santa deliver ALL those gifts in one night" magic of the whole experience.

If you've never seen or heard of this movie I have one thing to say.

Jake Gyllenhaal stars in it.

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Exactly. So watch it. It's on Netflix instant watch. You got no excuse.

I usually review (look at me saying "usually" like I've written more than one) new movies. But I was specifically requested to critique this one, and I happily obliged.

I say it's, as a Cheez-It, 80% Real Cheese. It's definitely worth the view. Have great days with varying degrees of greatness.

The Social Network (critiqued by yours truly)

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I just saw "the social network". I really enjoyed it and, despite the situation Mark Zuckerberg finds himself in for it in the movie, I was inspired to start blogging. 

I deleted my first and only post for the fact that it was whiny and naive (I wrote it three months ago). Which is an opinion formed over time. "My original Falafel World idea royally sucked, but my new one is just the bee's knees." You get it.

Anyway, I was drawn in to go see this movie primarily for the advertisements. Excellently organized previews had me quite miffed that I wasn't able to see the midnight premiere. If you've seen any of them, the movie follows the same feel. Interesting techno music backing up clever, quick-paced dialogue made the whole presentation feel fresh and cool. Picture "Fight Club" with techies.

However, Facebook isn't too thrilled about this film. Some of the scenes portray Mark and his fellow Harvard-grad friends in a bad light. It says here (you can also view the trailer there) that some of these things were misinterpreted. It even states that a couple affairs just plain did not happen. For example, you'll read in that article, there's a scene where the ex-president of Facebook (and founder of Napster) is doing illicit drugs with some apparent under-age girls, one of whom is almost topless. A consultant on the movie admits it was "mostly made up". Hearing that kind of stuff is unfortunate (not that that particular scene wasn't real, but how quick they are to make up part of the story), especially considering this film is gold.

The article goes on about how Facebook may be hitting its "popularity curve". Personally, I disagree. I'll be honest, I came straight home and posted "the social network was great!" as my status, and proceded to blog about it. If anything, I think this picture will increase users. At least by a small percentile. Now, I'm not saying it's here forever. Everyone thought Razor Cruiser Scooters were hot mess back in the early 00's. Well, they aren't anymore. Just ask these guys.

Look at the slack jaws. The kneepads. The concentration. These guys are gonna CRUISE YOUR FACE OFF.

But I digress. My point is, most empires fall. But who knows, Mark may be able to successfully update his program to the satisfaction of it's current 500 million (ish) users. Maybe he's found the Google of the Social Networking World (suck it, Bing). In any case, Facebook and it's humble blue theme (isn't it a nice shade?) are here to stay. At least for a little while.

I conclude with the verdict that this movie, as a Cheez-It, is 95% REAL CHEESE.

It's worth a theater visit, homebodies.